Hey-O

Wow. Hi. Hello. It's been awhile, hasn't it.

So, here's the deal. Oh, wait, I don't need to inform of you, I forewarned you that coming here is, pretty much, in all seriousness, a stupid idea.

But now, I would come. Because, I am recommitted. Kind of. As in, if I have time, I just might happen to remember I have this little space of internet, and decide to unveil some language on you, most likely of the English variety, American version.

Which gets me off; why, considering the pretty substantial differences between English and the English Americans speak (I mean, don't tell me I was the only one who was vehement that colour was spelled wrong. If I was a gambling little seven year old kid, I would have bet my mommy and daddy that I was right. I would have been an orphan like *that*), why don't we just call our language American. I mean, what is the harm? For serious. What is the possible downside. And, when explaining to kids why the British add random and completely unnecessary 'u' to everything, you can simply say that they speak a different language.

"English is awfully similar to the American you learned little Bobby", you could say, "but they have a quite an odd fetish with the letter u. Not really sure why. No more questions, Bobby, just accept it as fact. Accept it, dammit!"

That would, of course, be a PTA President mom. Only they are crazy enough to beat children without a mental condition. Because, you see, PTA is a brainwashing organization. Well, I guess that's not true. It is just the biggest time-sucker out there, and that is including a job. Honestly, you could work less while having three full-time jobs.

Which brings me to my favorite part about PTA. People often refer to it as the PTA Association, showing off their completely idiotic brains. What do you think the A stand for, people? America? Awesome? Attatched? Analogous? Ape? No, while all of those are compelling possibilities, the A does, in fact, stand for the word Association. Therefore, by calling it the PTA Association, you are being repetitively redundant. You catch that?

That is like UMB Bank. You might not have heard of it, it is a regional specific bank and the region is Missouri and the closely surrounding areas, a region that pretty much no one gives a shit about. Still, and I'm sure you've guessed it by now, but guess what the UMB stands for.

Uh-uh.

You've got it.

Unborn Midget Babies.

No?

Oh, wrong UMB. Sorry.

It stands for United Missouri....wait for it......it's worth the wait, I promise.........Bank. Therefore, the whole idea of calling it UMB Bank is, well, very Missouri. Not to isolate an entire state or anything from this-here blarg, but it isn't like anyone's eyes are actually unfortunate enough to grace these words, are they?

OK, that's all that I've got. For serious, I've got to go nighty-night.

But seriously, hopefully I post again sometime before September. I know, I know, don't get too ambitious on you guys. I promise I'll always stay grounded in the procastanistic, do-it-when-I-get-to-it ways of marijuana smokers. Not to say that I smoke the marry-j's or anything.

But seriously, the weed is bad for you. Don't do it.

But seriously, really don't do drugs. They screw up your system, or something like that (DARE, you wanna help me out?).

But seriously.

Amurrican Idol

Uh-huh, I'm going there.

Frankly, I hate reality TV shows. They are stupid, don't have any semblance of thought in them (beyond the simple task of sending a creative text to a number senselessly flashed on the screen) and are, generally, completely uninteresting. However, the one show that I will watch on occasion is the one mentioned in the title of the post: Amurrican Idol.

It started this year, like most years, with being drawn in by the potential horribleness of the auditions. Y'know, for a good laugh. So, yea, most years I start watching the show, telling myself that the auditions will be as far as I go.

Inevitably, I become at least somewhat attached to a person or two, and feel the need to see them in Hollywood; see if they have a chance at going the distance. However, and I say this proudly, it has almost always ended there. I will then recapture my Tuesday and Wednesday nights, rescuing them from the monotonous week-after-week regime of American Idol. This season was different. I found a guy, a man you could say, that I really really liked.

Love is probably too strong of a word, at least at the beginning, but he was iPod worthy for sure. So, I kept on watching. Week-after-week, I would DVR Amurrican Idol, allowing me to fastforward past all of the clearly inferior talent and go straight towards the interesting stuff.

David Cook.

So, to keep this short (I told you, it probably takes more effort for you to read this than it takes me to actually write this), DC better win tonight. Or else.

But seriously, I'm not going to watch. Living out on the West Coast, I can find out who wins at 7 PM out here, an entire whopping hour before the show even goes on the air. So, yea, take that. Beotch.

But seriously.

Opening Post

There is no rhyme or reason to this blog, just some random consciousness that I will, from time-to-time, make open to the world.

Anything and everything will be discussed on this-here blarg, at least anything and everything that I actually find interesting. Just to start things off, let's just make some rules:

1) The customer's always right
2) See Rule #1

Actually, those aren't the rules here. Those are the rules in sales. This has nothing to do with sales, promise. No credit cards necessary.

But seriously, I wouldn't come back. This is a mix between a joke started at 11 PM at night and a way to give me something to type. Right now. Whether I come back here or not, who the hell knows.

But seriously, that last "but seriously" wasn't all that serious. So, go ahead and decide when to believe me and when, in your sure-to-be-informed opinion, you can decipher that I am going all Pinocchio on you.

The onus is on you. You comin' back or not?

But seriously, I have no idea if I'm coming back. I need to go hit up the mirror to see if the nose is growing.

But seriously.